minion scissorhands

Rarely has the road to bad haircut hell been so paved with good intentions, yet so little experience. I'd asked for something jaunty for springtime, perhaps with a touch of "bad boy." Instead, I get this, the result of Minion's lack of acknowledgment that groomers go to school for a reason. What does it say when Britney's cut is better than mine?

for uncle donald

You are the real guitar hero, mon oncle.

april snow + whole foods = barely tolerable activity

Oh, the ennui. As entranced as I am by snow, this past flurry was dull in its every aspect. The way the weathermen beat their chests like children, as they always do, predicting the world's end in ice. The quick melt that was a boon for those Spring-minded gardeners but left me without decent bone hiding places. Forced inside, I played with a Whole Foods container that once held olives, and wrote more letters to legislators regarding the uselessness of beagles and the insidious plots of cats.

Ambrose G. Warhol